


Confirmed:  Zero Fashion Sense

by DrakeBorn



Series: Mad Scientists and Other Chaoticians [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies)
Genre: F/M, PSA about skinny jeans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2014-10-25
Packaged: 2018-02-22 12:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2507576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrakeBorn/pseuds/DrakeBorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Bus has two new resources onboard.  Sergeant James Barnes and SSG Denise Simms joined the merry little crew with expectations of taking down HYDRA and not much else, literally.  They need new clothes.  And lucky Skye, because Coulson assigned her the task of teaching the operatives how dress like they should fit in with the general public, even if they cannot act like it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confirmed:  Zero Fashion Sense

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place post-CA:TWS and between Agents of SHIELD season 1 ending and season 2 opening.
> 
> Also, my head canon has Fitz injuries being slightly different but not worth mentioning here. And this takes place just prior to Simmons departure.

Staff Sergeant Denise “Deni” Simms was one of Phil’s assets/resources.  After a high speed pursuit on an Interstate involving two motorcycles, a couple HYDRA SUVs, two SHIELD vehicles, and a race to a stealthy, super-secret cloaked airplane that wasn’t The Bus – or anything else belonging to SHIELD, Deni and her new partner in crime (har-dee-har-har,) Sergeant James Barnes, join the team – at least temporarily.

But they’ve been in the desert for the past few months, like the Iraqi desert.  And _both_ sergeants require some much needed wardrobe changes if they _hoped_ to at least not scare people while shopping for shampoo (no joke, it happened).  Lucky Skye, because Coulson assigned her the task of teaching the operatives how dress like they should fit in with the general public, even if they cannot act like it.

 

Skye was pretty pleased with herself.

Yes, James was a good looking guy.  But he was also a guy who wore his hair in his face, marched around in combat boots, and often looked like his wardrobe only consisted of presorted donation clothes.  Not to judge, but Sergeant James Barnes was a badass.  He deserved to dress for that role and not like he was participating in a zombie walk.

Deni’d been living in the Iraqi desert for the past seven years and blatantly confessed to having zero fashion sense – well, at least not for developed countries.  Plus, she had a love obsession with cargo pants.  And although, yes, Deni reminded Skye of Ziva in her first couple seasons on NCIS (only with bigger boobs), if you mentioned yoga or dance pants around her it was, “where would I put my spikes,” “what about my wallet,” and “this material wouldn’t hold up to skidding across pavement.”

She got it.  Skye really did.  Deni was at least as bad as May with her “These clothes were made for kicking ass,” attitude.  And poor James was cut from the very same cloth.

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t be repackaged, right?  Badassary included!

 

James came out of the pod with his combat boots loosened and mostly rolled down, the skinny jeans that couldn’t hide his well (well, well, oh so well) developed legs muscles, a dark gray Henley shirt ( _Henley shirts_ were something else Skye had to explain to James), and a half-length leather jacket (see, she could listen to personal preferences).  And with his hair _finally_ pulled back away from his face he looked like he was all sorts of tempting dessert toppings.  Yeah, he looked a little smaller – almost falling in on himself – than he did 15 minutes ago when they started this little endeavor, but still… yummy.

May would _kill_ her if she asked James to turn around even just one time… and it would be a painful death.

Skye set her hands to her hips, “Welcome to the 21st Century Sergeant Barnes,” she crowed.

Deni popped her head out the door of her own pod onboard The Bus where she was _failing_ to approve additional pieces to her wardrobe.  It took her a moment to fully come out and stand next to Skye.

“Are those skinny jeans?” she asked.

“Yep,” Skye popped her ‘p’ for emphasis.

Deni put her fingers to her forehead and looked like she was trying to message the bulging vein that had just appeared. It had been a common enough occurrence when Deni dealt with fashion.  Skye was thinking about taking up the habit when dealing with Deni and fashion.

Deni dropped her hand and looked up at James.  “You look good,” she said to him.  The honesty in her tone left Skye feeling even better about the acquired fashionable articles.

James’s face relaxed at the compliment.  Then (wait for it!) he smiled.

Deni looked James up and down.  She pursed her lips together; shifted them first to the left of center, and then to the right before she said, “That’s the good news.”

Let the _raining on the parade_ begin.

James looked resolved to his fate.  He said, “I know.  There’s nowhere to conceal more than one 3” blade, my boot knife (left boot) and backup, backup piece (right boot) are visible, and… yeah, I’m not mentioning the where sweat is building up right now.”

Okay, Skye admitted to herself, James was beginning to look a little uncomfortable.

“Oh, and there’s more,” Deni informed James.

Deni walked down the short hallway to the lounge.  “Hey Trip, would you come in here a moment, please?”

Skye was dumb founded.  Why would she need Trip to look over James’s new clothes?

Trip obliged the former Army Sergeant and joined the trio in the hallway.

“What’s up?”

Deni just inclined her head in James’s direction.

Trip looked James up and down.  Approval of James’s new looks shown on his face for more than a moment as he nodded.  But then it changed as Trip contemplated James’s skinny jeans.

“James, have you ever worn skinny jeans before?”

James shook his head, “Nope, never.”

Trip was thoughtful.

“I’m gonna be…” Deni excused herself.

“Coward,” Trip shot back with no heat.

“Ya damn straight,” she replied as she escaped to the lounge.

James eyes got big as they jumped from Deni’s retreating form, to Trip, and back again.

“What?”

Skye mentally seconded James’s question.

Trip sucked in air.  “Have you tried taking them off yet?”

“No.”

“You should.  Like now. Before May sees.”

Skye froze.  _Oh_.

James shrugged out of his jacket before reentering his cozy sleeping pod that he never slept in on account of James Barnes and Melinda May having come to an understanding a couple of days after the two met.  Since then, there had barely been a night where they weren’t keeping each other company and most everyone else onboard awake.

 

> Notes on the subject of soundproofing:  Fitz had the product they needed to apply under the pod floors, between the wall divides, and above the ceilings to make the pods soundproof.  But The Bus needed some down time to allow the crew to gain access for proper application.  And proper application equaled the required results.  And all of this leads to the entire team plus add-ons being able to sleep, again.

 

Two minutes after the door closed behind James a mix of Russian, English, and French expletives could be clearly heard over the plane’s engines.  Another moment longer and thumping sounds penetrated into the hallway.  Then, finally, came the sound of denim ripping.

Nope, May wouldn’t have been pleased at all if she had to deal with skinny jeans interfering with sexy time.  And if she’d found out it was Skye’s fault… no good would come of it.

“Alright, back to _boot cut_ and _relaxed fit_ ,” Skye commented to Trip.  “Hey James, can we change your _call sign_ from ‘Winter’ to ‘Cowboy?’” she called through the door.

James came out of his room wearing his new black, field issue, cargo pants.  He kept the Henley shirt on, but was holding the jacket in his hand.  Skye couldn’t help but notice the confidence in his stance.  The Sergeant's larger presence reentered the room.  _Cargo pants it is then_.

“Just don’t call me late to dinner,” he quipped.

“Problem with the jacket?” Trip asked noticing the leather article.

“Leather’s too tight around the arm.  Feels like I’m gonna rip it apart.”

And that explains the collection of field jackets.  Maybe she could find a tailor.

**Author's Note:**

> The Interstate Escaped was written almost in its entirety. Then my tablet broke. Barnes and May's first encounter though not nearly as complete was also on said tablet. (That encounter came with an "E" rating, too.) I just want to cry.
> 
> Note to ALL: Backing up the hard-drive is indeed a good habit to get in to. - Because Natasha said so.


End file.
